KiteDemon
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Wind snob: only comes out if the wind is over 20 and the water is warm enough for shorts only. Has the image totally down and little/no fear, but spends a lot of time in the water relaunching and/or dragging for his board after the frequent crash&burns.
Dubber: only rides a few times a year when on vacation, makes an occasional appearance at local spots. Progress is very very gradual...
Total addicts: at the beach whenever it's blowing at all (often when it's just a possibility), has a quiver covering 0-60, landboard, thick wetsuits, etc. Happy just to be moving at all, so long as it's kite-powered.
The Ancient Ones: started before Y2K and rode alone or with 1-2 other guys for years before the general public had ever heard of "power kiting", much less "kitesurfing". Thinks 10 riders at the same spot is a crowd. Doesn't ramble on and on about kitesurfing like the addicts, but can be coerced into sharing some wisdom if you're patient.
The Eternal Newb: always seems to be starting over whenever he shows up - which is not very often. Forgets something new each time. Spends 45min on the beach before putting the kite up, 15min getting to the water, 5min on the water before crashing, 20-30min trying (and failing) to relaunch, and another 30min cleaning up afterward.
The eBay Special: skateboarder/wakeboarder who saw something on TV and got a 2002 kite for $100 online, the bladder almost holds air and the bar was purchased separately (at Home Depot). No leash. May or may not have a harness. 50% chance of lofting. Does not come back (sells kite on eBay for $100).
The Foil Kiter: Highly educated, usually in the physical sciences or another technical field. Insists on foils because of their "Efficiency" and "Autonomy" - and because he can afford them. Usually very excentric, may have an eastern european accent, and only shows up when the wind is lightish. Atire includes but is not limited to a full wetsuit (even in summer), booties, gloves, vest, seat harness, reel leash, hook knife, GPS and/or cellphone in waterproof case(s), helmet, and impact vest or pfd. Usually rides a rather crude (considering his education) homemade ply board which enables him to ride in less wind than anyone else, but can't be edged when the wind picks up.
The Anti-foiler - Roams the planet looking for foil users or anyone who might even be considering foils, desperately trying to persuade them that "foils are gay and/or aerodynaically inferior". Gets confused and frazzled when foilers explain the finer points of why they love thier kites. Leaves the beach when he sees you on the water pointing further upwind, boosting higher, and generally having more fun than he does. Sobs uncontrollably while driving away.
The Modder: 6 bars for 3 kites, pulleys, span lines, crossover kits - he's got it all. His spare parts bag barely fits in the car. Able to ponder for 30min over a 0.5cm difference in board width or lineset length. Don't mention anything about your own gear or he'll waste the next 4hrs of your life explaining all the ways you could mod it.
The Gear Head: Has all the newest gear, even if he doesn't know how to use it - and will upgrade as soon as possible even if he hasn't had a chance to use the previous generation. Repeats word for word the marketing slogans and reps speeches about the kites. If a line breaks he buys a brand new bar and leaves the spagetti mess in a trash can or with a note that says "free lines just deal with the mess". Good source for used gear.
The Wannabe Pro: Constantly trying to impress everyone regardless if they're actually watching. Doesn't listen to the ancient ones when they warn him it might not be a good idea to ride in the conditions. Spends half his time on the water body dragging for his board. A camera is like a bug zapper for this tool. It attracts them and usually causes them to kiteloop and crash headfirst into the water. Spends a lot of time on the beach watching other riders and pointing out how much better he can do those tricks - and how major brand X is going to sponsor him.
The Traveling Jackass: Instantly identifiable by his attitude. Doesn't mind pushing your kite and lines out of his way so he can setup. Leaves his kite in the center of the beach while he eats lunch with his wife. Doesn't find the need to ask the locals if theres anything important he might need to know. When comfronted becomes extremely arrogant and repeats "stupid american" (or "frenchie") over and over - even though you're in Brazil.
The Quiet Tourist: Shy at first because they don't speak english well or at all. Not sure how to ask for help at first. Does understand the "stoke and joy of kiting". More prevalent than the jackass but not nearly as noticeable. Help then out and they're gracious and appreciative. Always waves out on the water and helpful if you need someone to land your kite.
The Convert: converted to kiting from windsurfing when he/she felt it had developed enough. Has more experience at the "spot" than all the kiters combined, but still a bit shaky with the kite (not humble enough to buy lower-aspect gear which would better suit his ability). Understands the wind patterns and shows up just as its picking up only to vanish just before it dies. When the wind hits 30knots he breaks out the windsurfing gear and shreds it. Full of expert knowledge of the spot from the weather patterns to its history, sometimes thinks that applies to everything else too but is slowly learning (the hard way) that is not the case.
The Crazy Ivan: He’s 6 ft built like a brick shit house on steroids with a stunning model of girlfriend. When kiting he doesn’t give way to anybody, pulling off head plants right in front of you whilst impressing his girlfriend, and slamming his new kite every time. He’ll generally go through 2 new kites while on vacation for a week. The kite shops love him because he always pays cash - although the serial numbers are often sequential and have rust-colored stains that might be dried blood... He’ll kite in Speedo’s rolled up the crack of his arse. He also wears a T-52 foam tank helmet with a fluro rashy. When there’s not enough wind he’ll go surfing on an inflatable bed in shore break after 3 bottles of vodka. Don't ever call him "Crazy Ivan" to his face...
The Old-Skooler: a sub species of the Ancient one. Every sentance contains at least two refenences to "2 line wpika classic" or "Picklefork". Breaks out his/her favourite trick (the deadman) at every available opportunity and is always first to buy a beer.
The NEW-Schooler: Has a copy of Boost II and thinks wakestyle is the hottest new thing in kiteboarding. Curses anyone who rides anything other than a pulley bar (leashless) and can often be seen pulling mobes 2 metres from shore in water 10cm deep so his girlfriend can watch (and/or run after the kite when he loses it). Refers to anyone jumping more than 2m as "them danglers" or "the old guys". Looks confused when anyone talks about "sending the kite"...
The Talker: also known as the one that's in it for the image. Talks a good game but gets on the water and is like a small child trying to swin through custard. Comes in claims the conditions were not good and promptly skulks of in his Escalade and token model girlfriend.
The scruffy Herbert Comes to the beach with a mashed up 2002 yarga that looks like Frankenstein's bride, a board that looks like it's been run over by a bus to everyones amusment; them promptly schools everyone with a stunning array of massive jumps and superpowered wake style moves
The Beachmaster: He hardly ever seems to kite. Most of his time at the beach is taken up with landing and launching other guys kites. He's a one man air-traffic control. When he doesn't show, other guys walk around in a haze for a while before they all self-launch.
The Rain Man: Always sets up far away from everyone else and rides in that same area - nobody knows him and he seems to like it that way. Rides back and forth for a long time, stopping at the end of each tack to reverse direction rather than gybing. Self-lands and somehow loads up his car without anyone seeing him in the parking lot.
The Encyclopedia: has been at it for a while but not as long as the Ancient Ones. Has read everything there is to read online (has no life outside of kiting), and can reference multiple sources for any question. Provides no guarantees for his answers, since he has only read about it and doesn't have the first-hand experience, but can't be stumped - ask him anything, he has read something somewhere that is related.
The Psycho: has a wife, 2 ex's, and a dozen kids. Has only 43min every 2-3 weeks to ride, and goes out at that time no matter what the conditions. Able to inflate a 20m in 12 seconds flat, and always self-launches because "it's faster than asking someone". Sets up 3 feet away from the main entrance to the beach (no time to walk to the launch area). Vanishes as quickly as he appears...
The Chilled Out: really one of the more hardcore kiters thats out on the water if its blowing well, their skilllevel is respectable. Yet they don't do contests and ride purely for the fun of kiteboarding. Rather than looking at their sport as a competition, they handle it as a lifestyle. But without the bling! While they do seem very relaxed, they know when to stop. or when they need to save their buddies in trouble!
The Walter Mitty: Took a single 1 hr lesson with a trainer (but not a full course cuz he can't swim), knows a few of the kite brands (but none of the models). Generally overweight with a case of mild manboobs, pasty skin, bad acne and sweats alot with mildly offensive body odour. Buys all of his clothes at ASDA (Walmart) and lives with his elderly auntie (not bad for 38 yrs old). Often claims to be ex-military (special forces of course, no doubt SAS). Never seen at the beach, but he's always at the bar and kitesurfing is just another story added to his repertoire. When asked anything technical that might expose his lack of knowledge, he will fall back on the special forces bit.
The Nike (just do it): thinks he can get right on the water without any kite time on land. Thinks lessons are for chumps. Can't afford to be seen as "uncool" on any level, and therefore gives up as soon as he discovers that he needs some practice. Tells all his friends at school how cool kitesurfing is and how good he is at it, but makes sure none of them come to the beach.
b]The Bomber: [/b] only has one kite (a big one), and only comes out once or twice a year (when it's nuking). Lives in constant fear of being even slightly underpowered on his smallest board (tiny wakeboard). Somehow manages to survive and has a new near-death experience which is passed on from kiter to kiter with shocked looks and shaken heads - although if you hear him tell the story, he'll be laughing the whole time.
The Buddy: only has part-ownership in a kite which he bought/shares with an Addict with limited funds. Almost never rides but always has the kite when conditions are perfect for it and the Addict wants to ride. When (if) he gives the kite to the Addict, it's a total mess and takes a couple hours to straighten out - then he wants it back...
The Warranty Violator: Somehow manages to destroy his entire quiver every year - plus a few kites borrowed from what used to be his friends. Able to find that one sharp rock/stick on 3 miles of pristine beach.
The Waiter: A relative of the Eternal Newb, hasn't spent enough time with his kites (or has changed gear so often) that he doesn't know what the usable windranges are - but unlike many others, he at least he knows that he doesn't know. Pumps up at least two kites and still can't decide which one to use, even after 4 other guys have left the beach and are doing fine. And rather than put up a trainer and get some practice, he sits on the beach scratching his chin instead...
The Beta-Tester: first to launch even if a half-dozen other guys have been there for an hour and don't think it's worth it. Usually ends up a mile downwind with the kite crashed on the water and has to swim in. On the off chance that he does OK (1 in 10), the other guys know it's not as bad on the water as it seems from the beach. The other 9 times, they draw straws to decide who goes to pick him up.
The Beach Jumper: puts up a kite "to see how the wind feels" then spends the next half-hour jumping on the beach. Often swings under the kite and luffs it - asks for yet another launch from the Beachmaster and then spends another half-hour jumping on the beach. Finally hits the water for a short (15min) session, then comes back in and jumps for another half-hour while ignoring all offers to help him land.
The Young Gun: fast learner, but insists on breaking every rule in the book because its always someone else's fault and everyone should give way to him. Consistently kites at places he is not supposed to kite "to prove a point" but never succeeds in proving any point other than bringing kiting closer to bans. Usually ends up in the swim zone. Everybody is hoping he'll go to an out-of-state college when he graduates.
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